Your ‘Small World’ Event
What You DID and Said The Result
(who, what, when and where)
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Sometimes the separation
is only two degrees as it was for Shirley Davalos, media coach and
trainer.
After Hours Call
“It was a Friday night
about 6:30 pm and I was just about to leave the office to go home
after a very long week when the phone rang. My daughters were little
and I wanted to get home but I answered it anyway.
“I could tell by the voice
it was an very elderly man. When he said his daughter wanted to produce
an exercise video and that he was gathering information. When he said
that his daughter lived in Santa Cruz, it was clear he wasn’t a potential
client. But I just spent ten minutes or so on the phone with him giving
him ideas and suggestions.
“To me, it was sweet that
he wanted to help his daughter.
“Six weeks later I had to give a presentation for a San Francisco
based corporation that wanted to produce a video.
“The presentation went
well but the team leader explained that they were waiting for Joe,
the archivist, who had the final say. We could hear him coming down
the hallway as he had two canes that clicked on the tile.
“The team leader filled
Joe in on my presentation and we chatted a bit. I gave Joe my card.
He looked at me and said, “Shirley Davalos of Orion Express, I know
you.”
“I had no idea how he
knew me. But then he explained that late one Friday, he had found
my name in a phone book and spoke to me about his daughter’s exercise
video. He told me that I was very nice and helpful to him.”
As you would expect, Shirley
was on the short list for the video project. There’s no question ---
answering Joe’s call ---was inconvenient. Taking the time to talk
to him and provide helpful information was also NOT convenient. But
Shirley Davalos is gracious.
There is no way Shirley
Davalos ever thought she would hear from the elderly gentleman again
much less meet him. It’s a small world indeed when the person you
take a few moments to help is the archivist who has the final say
on a contract
Because it is a small world, it pays to be nice to everyone.
Some days our past and
present lives converge in a manner that is totally unexpected.
The Jesuit Jazz
Connection
And then there’s Father
Frank Coco, a Jesuit priest and former teacher at Jesuit High, New
Orleans who also plays jazz clarinet and jams in local clubs, including
Pete Fountain’s famous New Orleans venue. Father Frank has a following
of jazz buffs, as well as students and parishioners and fellow priests
who are fans of his “other” path. Father Frank combined both of his
callings on his CD, “An Evening of Jesuit Jazz.”
Thanks to a small world
incident, Father Frank has just reconnected with his fellow seminarian
of five decades, Father Joe Eagan. They both studied at St. Mary’s
in Kansas.
Sandy Hufford, a member
of St. Patrick’s Church of Larkspur, California, was reading her issue
of New Orleans magazine when she saw an article about Father Frank.
Father Joe, her associate pastor, was celebrating his 50th year as
a Jesuit priest and Sandy thought Father Frank’s CD would be the perfect
gift to give.
Rather than just order the CD’s and send a check, she took the time
to sent a note explaining that she read the article and that it was
a gift for Father Joe, a fellow Jesuit. Sandy, the consummate and
most natural networker I know, shared the information about the Jesuit
connection. “When I received the CD, it was accompanied by a lovely
note from Father Frank saying that this was an “amazing coincidence”.
He wrote that he knew Father Joe and had lost track of him. In fact,
they were old friends who had gone to seminary together. The inscription
on the gift CD was from an old friend: a true treasure.
“When I gave Father Joe
the gift, his face lit right up! He had many memories of visits to
New Orleans for conferences where he would often go with Father Frank
to Pete Fountain’s performances in the French Quarter and meet jazz
greats who would drop in to see Pete between shows.”
It is indeed a small world.
You Never Know how large the impact a small gift will have. Two old
friends are reconnected because a parishioner who read New Orleans
magazine found a perfect gift and took the time to send a note explaining
why she was buying the gift and something about the recipient.
Sometimes the stranger
seated to our right does know someone we know.
Gulfport People
After a luncheon speech to the International Association of Convention
and Visitors Bureaus, I was seated at a table with some of the members.
We had introduced ourselves and started to chat. When I read my luncheon
partner’s nametag and saw that it said Gulfport, Mississippi, that
was all I needed. But first I took a deep breath and said, “Stephen,
I only know ONE person in all of Gulfport so this is going to be a
really odd question. Do you happen to know John Shorty Sneed?” Stephen
Richer gave me the strangest look. After what seemed like a very long
pause he said, “Of course I do! He’s the bureau’s insurance agent.
How do you know him?” I told him that we met on a plane years ago
and had stayed in touch. I asked if he heard what happened to Shorty’s
daughter, Lori, who had just been severely injured by a drunk driver.
Our conversation was no longer the ‘getting to know you’ small talk.
Once we discovered our connection, we began to discuss Shorty, Lori
and the situation.
What if Stephen didn’t
know my buddy? My question still could have opened up lines of communication.
He may have asked me what my friend does or if I had been to Gulfport
to visit the family. I could have said a few words about how I met
Shorty and then asked Stephen about Gulfport. My original question…as
big as the odds were…did lead to a more interesting conversation.
Sometimes the “you never know” opportunity is the ‘you never know
who someone also knows’ and that makes a ‘very small world’ connection.
Because of that conversation after my speech, Stephen recommended
me to another group who hired me to speak. If I had said nothing about
my Gulfport friend, we may not have developed the conversation and
rapport that would have motivated Stephen to recommend me. You never
know! That connection was solid because we are still in touch.
With hindsight, I can look
back at the event and see which of the Eight Traits were in play.
1. I talked to a stranger.
Of course, I just finished giving the luncheon keynote speech to five
hundred convention and bureau professionals. The topic was How To
Work A Room. Shame on me if I didn’t talk to the person, whom I didn’t
know, to my left.
2. I dropped a name. Although
I knew I sounded foolish, I had to know if, with all those people
living in Gulfport, Stephen knew Shorty. In fact, in order to learn
who or what we have in common in this ‘small world’, dropping names
of people, places, movies or books is how we start the process.
3. We never considered
our conversation about Lori’s accident to be small talk, but we also
never talked about current affairs, the economics of the convention
industry or the impact of bond issues for the funding of convention
centers. All of these topics might have qualified as BIG talk. Our
conversation about Lori, the accident and the Sneed family may have
been “small” by comparison, but it was big to us.
Post Script:
Stephen Richter and I
still are in touch as I am with Shorty Sneed. He and his wife, Patti,
and I recently had dinner in New Orleans almost twenty years after
we first met on a plane.
Sometimes the perfect gift
is a donation that benefits a group of people and helps them move
towards their success.
‘Nailing’ The Deal
The Syracuse women alumni
will soon have something else beside their alma mater in common… they
will have their very own color of nail polish created for them by
Essie Cosmetics. Of course, such a decision must have been made in
a strategic planning session, a board meeting or a powwow with the
development director of the University. That’s what we expect the
process to have entailed. Not in this book. It happened in the unscientific,
unplanned, you never know/serendipity/coincidence manner that turns
into success because of a chance meeting and small talk between two
strangers which took place in the very “small world” environment of
an elevator on Park Avenue in New York City.
Lauren Oberman was just
leaving a meeting in one of the apartments in a building on Park and
75th Street. “I was in the elevator when a woman and man got in and
she looked at my hands and asked me what was the color of my nail
polish. I told her it was, ‘Adore-a-Ball’. She said, ‘Very nice!’
and then asked what color my toe polish was and I told her it was
‘Fishnet Stockings’. She said, ‘Perfect.’ and then asked what brand.
When I said it was ‘Essie’, she said, ‘Oh that's my favorite!’ I told
her that I agreed and added that I sometimes use ‘Ballet Slippers’.
She said that was her favorite color and was wearing it then. While
our conversation made the elevator ride go very fast, I thought it
was odd that some random woman was asking me all these questions about
nail polish. Hey, it's New York City and anything is possible, right?
“I was curious and looked
on www.essie.com and found a page about the founder and, lo and behold,
there is a photo of Essie Weingarten, Founder and President of Essie
cosmetics. Of course, it was the woman in the elevator. She started
her successful business in 1981 and designed her own signature square
bottle. She not only has the best nail polish colors, they have the
coolest names, too.
“I sent an email to the ‘contact us’ section that basically said how
funny it was that I met her in an elevator, etc. Well, she wrote me
back and said this:
Dear Lauren,
It was my pleasure meeting
you, however, I really never introduce myself because I love to hear
the real comments from consumers. Of course, if they know it’s me
then I only hear all the good stuff. However, it usually does not
happen in our building. Needless to say I never saw you before so
it was as candid as it gets.
Thanks again.
Essie
“I wrote her back last
night and attached my ‘signature’ with my work information. The phone
rang the next morning and I pick up and hear, "Hi Lauren, it's
Essie."
“I never expected to hear from her and was thrilled. We chatted and
she laughed and said she ‘was so embarrassed that I figured her out’.
When she saw that (at that time) I worked at Shape Magazine, she said
she had been working with our beauty editor on promoting her summer
colors all summer!
“When she asked why I
was in her building in the first place, I told her that I was part
of a Syracuse alumni mentoring group that mentors high school students
and we're having a 10th anniversary celebration in September with
600 people including students. I was addressing and stuffing invites
in someone's apartment that night in her building. THEN she actually
offered to create a Syracuse color nail polish for the event and donate
it to the students.
“Needless to say, I was
quite excited and so was our leader, who lives in her building. She
will, no doubt, be calling Essie to invite her to the event and ask
if she'd create the Syracuse nail polish for the entire university!
“Essie ended up creating
a special name for our 10th anniversary event (‘Decade of Friends’
- because the group is called ‘The Friends of Leadership’, Leadership
being the High School for Leadership and Public Service). She donated
about 300 bottles or more of the polish.”
We don’t know where a
bit of small talk with a stranger will lead. Had Essie not talked
to the young woman wearing one of her nail polishes and, if Lauren
had not graciously responded as well as added her favorite color to
the conversation or followed through on her curiosity and instincts,
she would never have learned that she was speaking with Essie herself.
And the “Friends of Leadership” would not have their signature polish
to benefit the students at the High School for Leadership and Public
Service.
We don’t know what awaits
us at the other end of the phone. Or whether or not the desired result
of your call is the one that occurs.
Because boundaries between
business and personal lives are blurred, a call to hire someone’s
professional services ---and being open to serendipity ---allows for
outcomes that contribute to our lives in ways that can change them.
A Very Small World:
Heidi’s story
When Heidi Rodino learned
that her third child, Jacob, was aphasic, it seemed as if her world
was crashing around her. Her infant son, Andrew, had also been diagnosed
with a Retino Blastoma (a rare cancer of the eye) and the doctors
were planning a surgery to remove his eye. And yet she still had to
make arrangements for Jacob’s therapy.
“When I was given the
name of a speech therapist, I had to call her. We discussed his condition
and her recommendation, but I felt I had to be honest about my situation.
I told her that if I seemed somewhat distant and distracted that I
wasn’t ignoring Jacob’s therapy. It made sense to tell her Andrew’s
condition, and his impending surgery. She asked the name of his doctor
and that surprised me but I told her. Her response sent chills down
my back. She said that her son had the exact same condition, the same
doctors and the same operation that Andrew faced.”
When the speech therapist
said her son had worn a glass eye for several years, the conversation
took a different turn because of their common bond. Heidi explained
that she was concerned about her other children and their adjustment
to Andrew’s situation.
“Then this woman ---who
minutes before was a stranger who I was hiring as a speech therapist---became
an angel. She offered to come over with her son to show my children
how normal he is and have him show them the removable eye so they
would be prepared for Andrew’s return.
“What she did for me by
sharing her son’s situation gave me comfort, hope and solace. I am
forever grateful to her.”
The speech therapist has
a private speech therapy business based on billable hours. She could
have kept her son’s condition to herself and responded to potential
client in ways that one could have predicted. She did not have to
volunteer to visit. Her generous offer to familiarize Heidi’s other
children and help them adjust to their brother’s condition was unexpected
and treasured.
Of all the speech therapists that Heidi Rudino could have called in
the Chicago land area, the coincidence of calling the one whose son
had the same condition is possible, but not probable. I can hear my
Grandmother saying, “Susan, it was meant to be.” Heidi needed a voice
of light in what was a vast sea of darkness. That is serendipity at
the highest level.
Heidi did call for help
and she received much more than she expected from a very generous
Mom who shared a similar experience. It’s a small world and sometimes
we get to encounter the big-hearted people in it. We can’t predict
our sources of support, information or ideas. Both women were open
and truly shared information. Had Heidi not mentioned Andrew’s situation,
she never would have received the information, offer and support.
POSTSCRIPT
Andrew is in remission,
although they check his other eye often. He recently described the
eye that was removed as “broken” as only a child could. Jacob is speaking
and receives special help to continue his communication growth. They
moved to another suburb, but they never forgot the unbelievable coincidence
of their connection and the speech therapist who touched their lives.
Because it’s a small world,
we don’t know who might cross our paths or where or when it will happen.
Therefore, it’s a good policy not to prejudge people. Jane Pollak
is an artist whose magnificently hand-painted eggs have been featured
in magazines, in boutiques, art galleries and on the Today Show, Jane
shared her entrepreneurial message in Soul Proprietor: 101 Lessons
From a Lifestyle Entrepreneur.
EGGS cellent Artistry
“I believe in serendipity.
I usually attend my local National Speakers Association chapter meeting
but because it is such a long drive from my home, I always stay overnight.
This particular time, my preferred hotel had been fully booked so
I ended up at another hotel that had a complementary breakfast.
“The next morning I found
a table in the dining area where I could quietly read my book and
relax over coffee before the day’s event. I really didn’t want to
talk to anyone but there was a big breakfast crowd that morning so
I wasn’t surprised when a woman asked me if she could sit at my table.
I made a conscious decision to put down my book and find out why the
universe had placed this particular individual in my space. She was
older than I, exotically coifed and bedecked with strands of beads.
She might not have been the person I would have chosen to join for
breakfast.
‘What brings you to Massachusetts?’
I asked. ‘I’m here for my granddaughter’s middle school graduation,’
she replied. I was hoping for something more interesting.
‘And what brings you here?’
she graciously added. Ahhhh. At least it wouldn’t be all about her.
It’s important to note two things here. Only two sentences into the
conversation and already the judgments were flooding my brain. I invalidated
this woman’s role on earth after one sentence and then readmitted
her because she’d shown interest in me. ‘I’m here for a meeting of
the National Speakers Association. I’m a professional speaker,’ I
replied.
‘Oh, what do you speak
about?’ She was becoming more interesting by the minute.
‘I’m an artist. I talk
about turning your passion into business.’
‘I’m an artist, too,’
she said. The hat of judgment was back on my head. ‘Really?’
Many people think they’re artists so I decided to start with the all-important
question that divides the amateurs from the pros. ‘Do you sell your
work?’
‘Yes, I do.’ ‘Oh, really,
where?’ I asked. When she said ‘Manhattan, Fifty-seventh Street’ I
got the picture! While my first instinct was to help a ‘naïve
aspirant to the arts’, the tables were now turned. She was the seasoned
artist and I was in a position to benefit from a New York artist’s
experience.
‘What kind of work do
you do?’ I asked. Although I am not very current on the New York art
scene, I hoped to show a modicum of intelligence about her field.
‘I paint very large canvasses with autobiographical materials, then
I add stitches to the canvasses.’
“Even though my knowledge
of contemporary artists is slim, the minute she said, ‘stitches’,
a bell went off in my head. ‘May I ask your name?’ ‘Faith Ringgold.’
‘OMIGOD!’ Faith Ringgold is the one contemporary artist whom I really
admired and whose work I had seen dozens of times in The Crafts Report
and Fiberarts- two trade magazines for people in the arts. I was ecstatic.
‘Would you mind waiting
here for a minute? I would love to show you what I do.’ I ran to the
car and grabbed a copy of my first book and my decorated eggs and
brought them to our table and placed them before her like an offering
at the altar. Faith proceeded to leaf through my book page by page,
commenting, smiling and appreciating my work. I was enthralled.” Jane
was self-assured enough to want to show her work; and was not shy
about asking Faith if she minded waiting.
“Then I opened up the box of eggs so that she could see the real things.
I carry them in a cardboard egg carton, just the way you would pick
them up at a supermarket.
Although her eyes and her
smile delighted me, it was her question that would remain with me.
‘How much are they a dozen?’ No one had ever asked me that question.
When I began the craft over twenty-five years ago, my eggs sold for
eight dollars a piece. With experience, great press, and increased
self-esteem, the price had escalated to $250 per egg. The calculator
in my head rapidly multiplied that amount times twelve. ‘Three thousand
dollars,’ I replied. She said, ‘If I were you, I would only offer
them by the dozen and I would sell them in a glass egg carton.’ I
never would have thought to package my painted eggs that way. She
gave me an idea that was brilliant.
“Had I stayed at the first
hotel, had I chosen to read my book, had I not decided to go outside
of my comfort zone and initiate a conversation with a total stranger,
I would never have met the Faith Ringgold and would have missed, what
turned out to be, one of the most exciting and profitable encounters
in my career. The world is small. We never know who will cross our
paths if we are open to new encounters and are careful not to prejudge
others.”
Jane experienced a world
series of serendipity and that changed her business. Her decision
to be gracious and open brought someone very special into her world…
and it’s a very small world indeed.
That the illustrious artist
Faith Ringgold would ask to join Jane reminds me of the Yiddish word
for serendipity: BESHERT – meant to be. That Jane decided to put down
her book changed her experience. When we realize that our attitude,
actions and openness – or the lack thereof – contribute to our success,
we can make the conscious decisions to be more open and invite opportunity.
Urban/Urbane Myths
There is a lesson that
needs to be reiterated. In order to embrace opportunity and become
You Never Know It Alls, we need to lose the prejudgement. There are
an abundance of stories in many professions about the great sale lost
because of an unfortunate prejudgement. Or it could be the great sale
made because one person was not a fashion snob and waited on the customer.
Sittin’ On The Dock of
the Bay-- Club
Jim Gerber of the Bay
Club Marin grew up in the health club industry. He mentioned a story
he had heard that always stuck in his mind as a reminder not to prejudge
people.
“We were told of a 'not
fancily dressed' man, who could even be described as a shabbily dressed
one, who came to visit and tour a health club. Because he didn’t look
like a potential customer, the man was ignored. But there was one
person on staff who approached him, chatted and gave the man a full
tour. That man ended up buying the club. He fired everyone except
the very attentive and non-judgmental young man.
“I have never forgotten
that story and keep it in mind as a guideline. You just can’t judge
people by their clothes and especially how they look when they workout.”
Beyond the Myth
I have heard stories like
that about real estate, car sales, upscale boutiques and department
stores. One of the attendees at my speech for the Women’s Council
of Realtors said that it’s a mistake to “curb qualify”… a term used
in real estate. While Jim’s is an industry story that is oft repeated,
it happens all the time. When I went into look at a Miata, I drove
straight from an evening aerobics class to the dealership and definitely
looked it. The salesman never blinked an eye and treated me as if
I was wearing designer clothes.
Because it’s a small world,
the serendipity of the people you meet can be a wonderful experience
like Jane Pollak’s was. We do need to be nice and to be open to everyone.
An Escalating
Experience
Simma Lieberman, a national speaker and author, had an incredible
experience, truly ‘small world’ encounter in the midst of 20,000 people.
“I just finished giving
a program on stress management for national convention of the American
Society for Training and Development. Because my workshop was extremely
well received, I was feeling so good that I found myself smiling as
I got on the escalator. I looked up and my eyes met those of the man
on the next step. He asked me where I was from and when I told him,
Berkeley, he said that he had spent some time there and missed it.
I added that I was originally from New York….another one of his favorite
places. I couldn’t see his name badge so- to be polite - I asked him
where he was from. When he answered, Argentina, I said that one of
my heroes was from Argentina.”
“He seemed surprised…Whether
out of curiosity or interest, he wondered who it was. When I told
him it was Jacobo Timmerman, the Argentinean activist, he just looked
at me. I had no idea if I had crossed a line or said something wrong
but then he broke out in a smile, ‘Jacobo Timmerman is my Uncle,’
he said as he gave me his card. I couldn’t believe it… until I looked
at this card and his last name was Timmerman.
“You can’t imagine how
exciting it was for me to talk to the nephew of someone I admired
as a hero for years. His uncle was one of the Desaparecidos, had owned
a newspaper, and had survived death squads and imprisonment in Argentina
for advocating free speech and press. I was thrilled to learn that
he was still alive. His nephew promised that when he returned to Argentina,
he would tell his uncle about me.”
“When Timmerman got back
from the convention, he emailed me that his uncle,
Jacobo, was quite pleased to learn that his life had impacted the
nice woman from Berkeley who was an admirer and to whom he was a hero.
I was just elated. That meant so much to me.”
Simma understands that
the world is small. For her to have that message relayed to her hero
was monumental. For the nephew, it was a coincidence that he could
not have dreamt. There were 20,000 people at that convention…and he
strikes up a conversation with someone who knew his uncle and from
whom he could bring back a wonderful message.
How did it get started?
Simma didn’t initiate the conversation. “After the energy I poured
out at my program, I was too tired to even think about talking!” I
asked her if she remembers doing anything that would make it easy
for Mr. Timmerman to strike up a conversation.
“You know I was so pleased
with my program and the audience response, that I was smiling…at myself.”
That smile was an invitation
that indicates the openness that invites opportunity and made it possible
for serendipity to happen.
And someday the results of a ‘small world’ experienced transcend being
captured on a spreadsheet.
The ‘Powder Puff’
on Devon
I was in Chicago to give
a keynote speech to 1,200 business people pursuing their peak performance.
This was my home turf, and the first time that my parents, who were
in their 80’s, were going to hear me speak.
Two hours before start
time we were doing a room and sound check at the Rosemont Auditorium.
The concierge, Frank, wanted to be sure we were glitch- free. As we
were finishing up, he asked me where I lived. That was an easy question
with an easy answer. “San Francisco.” “Lovely city,” he replied. It
could have ended there. I had to change into my speaking clothes,
do my make up and there was no time for small talk. But, I was in
my hometown so I added that I’m a native Chicagoan.
When Frank asked, “What
part of the city?” I said I grew up in West Rogers Park.
“No kidding,” Frank said, “I use to own a beauty salon there on Devon.”
He had looked vaguely familiar, but I had just thought it was the
“familiar Chicago look” or maybe a false memory.
By now I was curious.
“Which shop?” “The Powder Puff.” My mouth dropped open. “Frank, my
mother was your long time customer and I went there, too.” His words
brought back the memories of pink chairs, pink hairnets, pink rollers
and the smell of Aquanet (affectionately known as “Helmut in a Can.”).
I knew that my Mother would be arriving soon and that she would want
to see Frank again. In the interim, Frank said that his involvement
with beauty and hair care trade shows at the Rosemont - turned into
his second career.
What a small world! Sure,
we were in Chicago, but so were millions of other people. Is it probable
that we were connected? No. Possible? Yes.
When my mother arrived, I told her that I had a surprise and took
her to his office. When she looked at Frank, her eyes lit up and she
kissed him and took his hands in hers, “Frank dear, it’s so wonderful
to see you. “ “Mrs. R, you look so good. How are you?” “I’m getting
old, but doing fine.”
My mother said to him,
“You know, Frank, my mother loved you. You were always so gentle with
her and made her feel beautiful. She always looked forward to seeing
you. You made her feel special.”
Frank was speechless.
He had no idea of the impact he had on my old, and sometimes sickly,
grandmother. Not the conversations, the thank you’s nor the tips ever
conveyed what my mother told him that afternoon with a tear in her
eye as she journeyed down memory lane with Frank.
We don’t know what will
transpire when we take an extra moment to make talk that seems small.
Doing so is one of the Eight Traits of those who have ‘You Never Know!’
experiences.
The people who embrace
serendipity and experience coincidence do not save every second. In
The Secrets of Savvy Networking I wrote that the best of networkers
DON’T SAVE nanoseconds. In a lifetime, you may save an hour. The You
Never Know It Alls spend the extra moments making small talk and doing
‘little’ things that have many benefits.
Frank was busy but he
took time to get to know me in spite of the duties on his To Do sheet.
His reward? His first and second careers converged in a hallway as
he learned of the contribution he made to the life of my dear grandmother.
If he ever wondered that his years of setting hair, giving comb-outs
and having conversations with his customers were well spent and that
he was a success, that day at the Rosemont Auditorium, Frank learned
the answer was a resounding, ”YES!”
On some days, a social encounter helps our business. On other days,
a business event is successful because some interaction impacts our
lives and changes them in a way would could not have predicted nor
expected. That event may not even be one that is in our own business-related
field.
Mingling at the
Mansion
Judy Farley often accompanies
her husband, Bill, to The Mansion for the events he organizes for
his boss, Hugh Hefner. Yes, that mansion. Bill had organized a contest
in the magazine. Yes that magazine. The winner of the contest would
get a free trip to Los Angeles and get to attend a party at the Playboy
Mansion.
“Bill always wants to
be sure that people are comfortable and usually has so many things
to handle that I try to pick up the slack and talk to some of the
guests as well. When I realized that the man who won the contest was
standing by himself, I went over to chat with him to make him feel
more at ease. I asked him what he did and learned he was contractor
who owned his own business. Just by way of small talk, I asked where
he was from. When he said ‘Palm Beach’ it struck a cord. One of my
best friends from my teaching days lived there and we had not spoken
in years.
“Because she came to mind
so quickly, I just told him about my friend and that I missed her.
To his credit, he asked me her name. Now there are a lot of people
who live in Palm Beach County. But I thought it was very nice of him
to ask and, not thinking much of it, I told him her name. He just
looked at me … blankly. Then he said, ‘She is one of my best clients.
In fact, her phone number is programmed right here in my cell phone.’
“I can only imagine the
look he must seen on my face. This woman was a dear friend for years.
He just looked at me and handed me his cell phone and said, ‘Why don’t
you give her a call? Tell her who you’re with…and where we are!’ Then
he smiled.
“I never hesitated…I took
his phone and placed a call to her after all those years. It was as
if we had never stopped talking. She was no longer married to the
husband I had met and things were going well for her. She didn’t know
my Mom had died…and we had much to talk about. I took her new number
off his cell phone and we continued the conversation the next day.
“What a small world it is that a contractor from Palm Beach would
win a Playboy contest and would--- through an amazing coincidence
---reconnect me with a best friend. My friend and I have since visited
each other and resumed our friendship. It made me very glad that I
try to help Bill with the PR by talking to the guests at The Playboy
Mansion.”
Yes, indeed it is a SMALL
World… even at the Playboy Mansion.
But Judy Farley extended herself on behalf of her husband, a vice
president of marketing of Playboy Enterprises and President of Playmate
Promotion, to make a guest feel comfortable. She offered information
by mentioning that she had a friend in his area--- knowing that it
was “just” small talk but it was a connector. It gave him the opportunity
to ask the next question as to where exactly this friend lived, etc.
That is how conversation works.
To his credit, he not
only shared the information about her friend, he also offered Judy
his phone. It was a very small world moment that would not have happened
had Judy not have tried to help her husband by being nice to someone.
Sometimes the connections
from a first career can successfully impact our lives in ways we never
imagined
From Marin County, California, to Kosovo
Sherwood Cummins was the
pastor at the Larkspur Redwoods Presbyterian Church for years and
kept in touch with many of his former parishioners. Although he is
still a minister, he no longer has a parish, but is now a personal
trainer whose company, Recreate, transforms clients. In many ways,
his new “parish” extends beyond an edifice and is truly non-denominational.
“When Jan and I wanted
to adopt a child we were told that no birthmother in the United States
would see a sixty-two year-old man as a potential father. So we decided
to adopt a child from Romania. We had had our daughter Katarina about
fifteen months when she said she wanted her baby sister. Ultimately
we were able to adopt her birth sister through the same adoption agency.
Katarina went back to Romania with us to get Gabriella.
“We really wanted to find
our daughters’ birth family to complete the circle of our two families
joining together and someday have the girls meet them. We also wanted
to do something to make their lives in Romania a little easier but,
with all the red tape, we didn’t know how to find them.”
Many people in our community knew about the adoptions and had watched
the girls acclimate and thrive with their Mom and Dad. Jan and Sherwood
were very open about the adoptions and encouraged other families who
wanted to adopt children.
“Trying to locate and
communicate with the our daughters’ birth family seemed impossible.
At that time, I learned that one of my former parishioners, Kristen
Michener, who had been in my youth group at the church, and her fiancé,
Michael, were working in Kosovo. They both were here (in Marin county)
for a visit and while they were here, they met our girls.
“Not too long after they
returned to work in Kosovo, a young woman from Romania, Dana, came
to work at their office. In the course of conversation, Michael just
started to talk about the two girls he met in California from Romania.
When she asked him what part of Romania they were from, he remembered,
and they discovered the Baluta family lived only ten miles from her
family. Yes, it was an amazing small world coincidence! Dana called
her father -who was a retired police officer -and asked him to locate
their farm. He did. That Easter, Dana went home to Romania and she
and her family went to visit our daughters’ birth family and to give
them a letter from us and thirteen photos of the girls.
“Thanks to the small talk
conversation at the office that Michael had with Dana, we discovered
how small the world is and we are now in touch with the Baluta family.
A French teacher in their village translates our communications. Some
day, our daughters will meet their birth family, and our family circle
will feel even more complete.”
Sherwood Cummins is one
of the best communicators I know. He knows many people in our town
and more of us know him. He is one of those people whose ministry
is truly open to his network... which is sizeable in both its breadth
and depth. That a former youth group member would stay in touch with
him twenty years later is a testimony to a man who gives so much to
so many people.
Because he is open about himself his family and his life with his
clients, former parishioners and members of the community, a connection
was made in Kosovo by a young man about to marry a young woman from
Marin County. It’s an amazing ‘small world’ coincidence that connected
two families across the world. To Sherwood and Jan Cummins, it is
the pinnacle of success that evolved from a series of serendipity.
Sherwood and Jan Cumin’s
experienced a ‘small world’ coincidence that turned into a sweet success
and it exemplifies a basic tenet of ‘you never know!’ experiences,
and life, in general:
If you don’t put it out
there, it can never come back.
People who have small
world experiences are OPEN to possibility, share information, make
small talk, drop names and talk to strangers. In each story there
is at least one, if not more of the Eight Traits of the You Never
Know It Alls. And each story reinforces that “playing one’s cards
close to the chest”, minding one’s own business and not talking to
strangers is counterproductive if we want to embrace the you never
know opportunities that are out there’ for us.
One doesn’t have to be
“Footloose” to have heard of Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon - a game that
embodies the concept of connection and commonly linked to the prolific
actor. It is predicated on the concept that who you know that I know
--- helps create a connection between us.
But, is it really a small
world? Revisiting the study on interconnections by Stanley Milgram,
Dr. Judith Kleinfeld, a professor of psychology at University of Alaska,
found flaws when she tried to replicate it. According to, Psychology
Today, Dr. Kleinfeld found “there is a difference between what mathematicians
mean by ‘small world experiences’ and what we mean. The chance of
meeting a person who knows someone we know is high for people who
travel in similar networks. When an UNLIKELY connection occurs, the
word does feel small, whether or not the scientific evidence agrees.”
The more open we are, the
more we talk to people we don’t know, the more likely we will increase
our ‘small world’ experiences which can lead to many aspects of success
RoAne’s Reminders
People who are open to
opportunity have small world experiences. In addition, they also:
